it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
