im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
nut hugger
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
is wine microwaveable?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
