is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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