You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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