So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Two words: blizzard sex
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize