speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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