I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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