Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
