Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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