Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize