K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize