Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
