the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
