Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize