So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
