Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
