Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's shark week go big or go home
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
