Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
