mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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