im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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