ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
