I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
