His hands were made for my vagina.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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