Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
