I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
