last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
