thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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