Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
