I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
