I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
