You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
