im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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