i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
