i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
