Do you still have your period?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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