you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
