I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
