i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
3 2 1 whiskey
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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