My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
