Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
