Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize