Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
