Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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