i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
