the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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