I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
