Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
