Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
