I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize