i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
