apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
