My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
