dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
