my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Ketchup is God's man juice
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
