Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
