those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
