just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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