TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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