You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
