Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
