They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
