You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
