My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
