After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
