Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
