Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
