I think i sorta joined a cult last night
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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