did you get engaged???
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
