You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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