You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize