A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
