life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
